An affair may be sexual in nature or it may simply be a matter of infatuation with another member of the opposite sex. The beginnings of such "affairs" can very often be traced back to some aspect of a marital relationship that is unfulfilled for one reason or another.
We have determined over the many years of counseling couples who have found themselves in the situation where one of the partners has "strayed", that there are basically 7 major reasons (or excuses) given by the offending spouse for the illicit affair.
- The spark has gone out of the marital relationship.
- They gave into temptation. - Many say that they were led into temptation by the other person in the illicit relationship.
- No intimacy (or very little) in the marriage.
- A one night stand. Often as the result of over indulging in alcohol.
- Hooking up again with an ex partner or lover.
- Lack of intimacy at home because of frequent business trips away.
- The innocent spouse is suffering Ill health and is unable to respond to sexual intimacy.
If both parties to the marriage have decided that they are bent on surviving infidelity and really want to rescue their relationship then consideration needs to be given to several factors -- for example:
- If the innocent spouse has had sexual relations with his/her partner since the beginning of their partners affair, then it would be wise to have a medical check to determine whether there are any health issues that require medical intervention. This is a matter that shouldn't be taken lightly as we are aware of many cases over the years of the transmission of a sexual disease to an innocent partner.
- The matter of trust also needs to be given careful thought. Can I trust my spouse again after what they have done to me and our family?
- Is it really possible for my spouse to break off the illicit relationship, or not to be tempted again even if they have promised that they will remain faithful in the future?
- Consideration needs to be given to involving a third party to provide suitable counseling to ensure that if there is a determination on the part of both parties to make the marriage work then solutions and ground rules are firmly in place. In our experience it is difficult for both the person who has been affected by their partners extramarital affair, and the guilty partner, to sort out all the problems associated with this matter on their own.
If you are really interested in forgiving your spouse, surviving infidelity, and giving your marriage another go, there may very well be light on the horizon if:
- Your spouse voluntarily admitted the affair.
- They are open under questioning about it.
- They have told you that they are remorseful that they strayed.
- They have agreed to break all connection with the other party.
- They have suggested or agree to be involved in counseling.
An extramarital affair doesn't have to mean the end of a marriage if you both really have the desire and the inclination to repair your relationship.
Our names are Brad and Michelle Ritchie. We are a married couple and are both relationship counselors having been in practice together since 1988.
We have written this brief item (which is covered in much greater depth on our website) to assist couples restore a marital relationship that is going through troubled times.
If you visit our site you will find the answers to many of the problems that married couples are facing today. We have put together the articles on our very informative site from a background of experience of dealing with countless troubled relationships over a period of 20 or so years.
If you are experiencing marital difficulties then we would love to assist you. Just follow this link: http://www.saveyourmarriageadvice.com/surviving-infidelity.html