"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak" -St. Paul
"I know what to do, I just can't do it!" This is the cry I hear so frequently. People know that love will serve them the best. They know that arguments, disgruntlement, and yearning for what they don't have serves them poorly. They yearn for peace, contentment, positive engagement, and the desire for what they already have.
But, the flesh is weak, as Paul groaned long before we came along.
Perhaps we are truly "spirits having a human experience," but we are all burdened with an ancient survival mechanism at the top of our brain stem. From it ushers the "fight or flight" response (more of a reaction for most of us!)
It is this survival mechanism that reacts to perceived threat of peril. The fearful, knee-jerk reaction to loss of prestige, possessions or financial security catches most of us on a daily basis. A comment from a spouse, or child, or friends can and does bring about emotional responses all out of proportion with the event itself, often due to the inner triggering of unconscious memories of pain and trauma.
Hence, we are willing to be good and loving people of the Light, but it so often just plain goes wrong.
Henri Nouwen, the beloved monk and teacher, said that "we all have an address with God, but we are so infrequently at that address, to be addressed by God." This is what the survival mechanism does. It takes us away from the "home address" into a far away country called Fear.
As a pastoral counselor I endeavor to help people learn to be at their home address. We call this being "centered" in life, where we can experience Spirit, know God's lively presence, and have the satisfaction of the "peace that passes all understanding."
All our traditions have ways of seeking this path. The Mystics led the way, but all of us can practice behavior that enhances spiritual perspective and leads to security from all those "survival issues" knocking at the door.
The traditional paths are meditation and prayer, worship and adoration, and works of kindness and service.
I hope that you will pursue such ways as habitual practices. However, I'd like to offer a couple of quick start methods right now:
First, go sit in the bathroom (yes, the bathroom! It's a prayer closet available to you multiple times each day.) Then close your eyes and slowly count backwards from 30 to 1. If you don't feel a little more peaceful, then do the counting backwards again, and possibly again. As long as you keep your eyes closed and count backwards, your brain will go to the lower, more centered brain waves you experience when you read a novel. It's a great way to initiate a quiet reflective prayer in the middle of a hectic day.
Second, each evening, just before bed, for 30 days, make a short list of what you are grateful for from that day. It is the rare person that doesn't start feeling better from this ongoing "attitude of gratitude."
Simple stuff, but not exactly easy to get yourself to do it. But it works! So, give it a try, and give that willing spirit a chance to rise above your survival instincts.
Steve Roberts is an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist who shares tips and real life relationship secrets from over 20 years of practice.
Married 31 years to Pam, his partner in Life and profession, he has personally known the peaks and valleys of the couple experience.
Get Insight and Wisdom for your Relationships at: http://www.WhatWorksForCouples.com
